You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
