I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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