And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
