but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
