When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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