low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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