Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
