What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize