Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
