if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
