I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
