Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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