He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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