I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
