420 ftw
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
