I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
