you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
