i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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