my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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