You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
