Im at strip club and am horny
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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