I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i drank out of a bidet.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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