i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
