i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So much rum. So many feels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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