So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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