and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My feet surprised me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
