so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
