just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
