I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
