we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
