We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
