Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
