Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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