question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
