3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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