Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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