ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He passed out mid-signature
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
