I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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