a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
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It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level