Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
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Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?