the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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