Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
