hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
then he tried to convert me to islam
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
