And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
