I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
handjob tips. give me some.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
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Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
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Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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