I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
