grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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