party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
