look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
