you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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