escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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