I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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