if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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