Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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