you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
