Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
