how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
