so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
