we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
