Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
