im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
