Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
