My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
