did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
