So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
