the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
