Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
