So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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