Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
