i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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