I wish I only lived at night.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
