TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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