I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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