Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We left an ass print on the piano.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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