Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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