He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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