Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
