The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I could fuck to npr.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
