He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
