Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
